And Life Moves On

There is a strange phenomenon which you will experience at certain points in your life. Something big happens and your world stops. Your mind is on that one thing and you just cannot get out of the funk. And then with time, you realize that while you were there, the world kept on moving.

This last week was one of those times for me. With Dad's passing I experienced so many unexplained (and unexpected) emotions. At first it was a matter of being strong. There was work to do. My first thought after getting the call from Mom was that I needed to take care of this...and that...and...How strange it is that this was my first emotion. I didn't breakdown. I went to work trying to take care of things. I think that was my effort as a husband and son-in-law to be there for Tiff and Mom to lean on.

I quickly learned that my fascade was not as convincing as I had imagined it to be. That night after what I had concidered to be my job was done, I had a moment on my own. Knowing that then was not the time to try and lean on Tiff, I called a friend and talked about what had happened, what I had experienced, and anything else we could come up with. I just wasn't quite ready to approach my thoughts by myself.

As the week went by, sleep became a premium, and much of my initial strength (or what I thought was strength) faded. I realized quickly that Tiff was going to need me. There were a few days after it happened that I did not really see my wife for more than a few minutes at a time. I can probably thank Dad for the work ethic he instilled in his daughter because Tiff had a project to do and it was her life for those few days. I spent that time taking care of the kids, trying to find some solace in being able to help.

Then came Tuesday and it finally hit me. Tiff and I were driving in the car and all my emotions came out. There is something that a wife can do, even without words, that no one else can do for a husband. Feelings that I did not even realize existed came pouring out and I found myself sobbing on the shoulder of the one I was supposed to be comforting. This is another credit to my wife because even when she had no way of knowing how to comfort me, she did it. I love her for her ability to love.

Dad's funeral for me was an event that, after the ups and downs of the week, I needed. I needed to celebrate him. I needed to escape the funk. I needed to know that we could move on. Dad was an incredible man. His funeral was amazing. The stories of each child which were shared showed me how a father should love his family. The stories showed how Dad was so good at expressing personally how much he loved his children. I know he would have been pleased.

Saturday after the funeral was another day of struggle for me. As the day went on, the family, those who I had grown so close to over the last week, began to leave. With the departure of each one, knowing I would not see them in a few hours or even the next day, I felt a little piece of me leave. I am grateful for what I have gained from this week in my relationship with them. I feel more a part of this family than ever and I am truly blessed.

To each person who has played a part and taken this time out with me, thank you. Thank you for your love and support of my family and me. Thank you for grieving our loss as well as yours. And in the end, thank you for keeping life moving so that the surrealty of the past week can play just a small part in the experience we call life. And life moves on...

A Time of Sadness and Reflection

It is with great sadness I report the passing of my dear father-in-law, Kenneth Gene Shaffer, who died on April 17th, 2008 in his home. Since I learned of this sad event, I have had little time to reflect on my thoughts and feelings for this great man. I would like to take the opportunity now.

I have not had the privelege to know Dad as long as the rest of the family. Having come into the family a little over a year ago, my memories are few. This being said the impression that he has left on me cannot be overstated.

One of the first memories I have of Dad was at his 60th birthday party. As part of the event, each one of his children present took a moment to recall some of the memories and things that Dad had taught them. It was inspiring to listen to, one, the love they had for him, and two, the great example he had been in their lives. The example which stood out most in their stories was his example of work.

You see dad contracted polio at a very early age and suffered the consiquences of that for the rest of his life. This disease left Dad constant pain, physically and emotionally. This being said, the example he gave to his children and the impression he left on me was how hard he worked. Dad owned his own business for nearly twenty years, many times doing work his pain should never have let him do. This example inspires me to seek to better serve my family, hoping that my children have the same example that Dad's did.

I am told that the time I knew Dad was some of his happiest. One of the things that helped with this was when Mom and Dad sold the business and Dad "retired". I put that in quotes because what Dad started doing upon his retirement was anything but retiring. He began an awe-inspiring effort to give of himself to help other people. During this time, Dad became a Big Brother. He read for the blind and trained seeing eye dogs. He put his own dog through a course so that he could take her to the hospital to help lift patients there. It was truly impressive. Each time we would see Dad he would have found some new way to help somebody else. It was impressive. I have heard my own father who will retire in the upcoming months say that Dad's example has inspired him to do something with the extra time that "retirement" provides.

One of my favorite memories of Dad was this funny little tag he used to where. Dad heard somewhere that if you got a certain number of hugs in a day, you would be healthier and happier. So Dad decided to put this into action. He was relentless in his effort to meet the quota. Tiff made him a tag that said "Free Hugs" and he went and paid to have cards printed that indicated the same. On one occasion he even went to a local grocery store to seek out people to whom he could give hugs because he was still a few shy of the daily allotment. He was blessed by his efforts because on arriving at the store he found two young ladies with a sign that said none other than "Free Hugs". Having met his quota, he returned home happy. It is rumored he even had a small collection of people at the Elks Rehab where he worked out who were on a circuit for him to visit and receive a hug from. I love how eagerly he went about this and being the recipient of many of his hugs, I can tell you he hugged because he cared.

These memories and lessons will long ring in the belltower of my mind but the memory that will ring the loudest and most clear of my father-in-law will be the privilege I had to stand with him this past Sunday, worthy and true, as we held our beloved Oscar in our arms and gave him a name and a blessing. One of the impressions I had as I pronounced the blessing upon him was that Oscar has been blessed with great men as grandfathers. I know these words were true then and will forever be. Dad was a great man. I hope that I can make the impression on my childrens' life that he has made on mine.

I love you, Dad! May God be with you until we meet again. Your legacy lives on.

*I would encourage you all to visit my dear, sweet Tiffany's page to read her tribute to her father. Please keep the Shaffers in your prayers in particular Mom, as the upcoming months will be full of occassions where those added blessings will be needed. I also want to thank all of you who have called, visited, brought in food, prayed already, or even had us in your thoughts. Your love and concern has not gone unnoticed.

Another Day and "What's Up in Head's Head - The Conclusion"

I have been told I need to complete my series entitled "What's up in Head's Head" for those who were interested. I also have some more thoughts on the day which I wish to express.

For all interested, I visited with a great neurologist on Friday and was diagnosed with migraines. He said the main reason I had not responded to the medication before was that it did not get me ahead of the pain so now I am on like a bazillion pills which I am told will do that trick. I am told that the it really takes finding the right medication and then learning to live with it. I am pleased that it was nothing more serious. I am thankful for a good doctor who could recognize it and explain it so well.

I feel bad making additional posts which will move down my comments regarding my feelings for my father-in-law. I truly with to pay my respcts to him and wish that that post could stay at the top for a long time.

Mourning is a strange thing. The range of emotions that one can go through in a brief moment are such a rollercoaster. Today I have felt happy, sad, a little confused, and overwhelmed. I miss my father-in-law. Tonight Ali and Charlie came home from thier father's home and walked in to Mom's house. I was sitting in Dad's recliner at the time. I just felt so sad for them at that time. Charlie did say something that made me smile in his prayer tonight. In his prayer he asked Heavenly Father to give Papa Shaffer a hug for him. He said this all on his own. I think I will pray the same thing tonight.

Thank you for listening to my feelings and emotions right now. I hope you understand that by posting these things that are so personal to me, I am only trying to get them out of me and am trying to work things out in my head. The catharsis of this is really helping me. Thank you again for reading.

What's Up In Head's Head - Part 2

So just a brief update. I am going to the neurologist on Friday at 8:30 AM. I am feeling about the same but I am trying to have a good attitude there is so much more to think about that being sick. I am so blessed in this life, especially to have a great wife and family, and safe, warm home, and a wonderful job. Could I ask for anything more?

On a lighter note, I thought I would share something that I think is a great lesson. I heard this and think it should be something we all think about. If you have a while and want to see more, the original full speech can be seen below this edited version. Don't blink.

What's Up in Head's Head

So for most people the series of posts which will come under the title of "What's Up in Head's Head" will be rather boring and you might want to just skip them. For the most part I will be posting them so my mother can not worry near as much as she would if she did not have this information. Below is a brief description of what this series will intail, so feel free to decide if you want read on or not.

So for that last month or so I have been experiencing some problems in my head. I have been having headaches every morning and every night and been very fatigued daily. I have been having some other problems connected to this which have caused Tiff and I some concern. This last week I went to the doctor only to leave with an unconclusive answer. He had me take some medication for tension headaches to see if that would resolve the problem. Besides saying some pretty crazy things when I was hopped up on the meds, there was no real effect.

Today's update - I called the doctor this morning to give him and update on how the meds and had gone and to try and find out what the next step was going to be. When I first called I spoke to his nurse and felt like I was being pushed into them wanting to solve a problem I didn't think I had. The nurse indicated that they would probably give me another type of meds to try and solve the "migraines". I was unaware that this was my diagnosis. I was a little frustrated mainly because it felt like the doctor was just stabbing at a solution. She said she would talk to the doctor and get back with me.

So me being the stubborn person I am immediately did some research on the internet and found out the symptoms of migraines. I could see how they came to the diagnosis but I was missing some pretty obvious sign like the lack of sensitivity to light, the fact the the headaches did not improve with rest, and that they did not get worse with activity. So when the doctor called back (yeah, I actually got to talk to my doctor) I had a few questions.

He wanted me to try a migraine-specific medication to see if that would relieve the headaches. His plan was to do this and then to send in a referal to a neurologist if the meds didn't help. When I told him some of my concerns about it not being migraines, he said that he still wanted to try the meds but he wanted to send in a referral to a neurologist right away instead of waiting.

So, I came home with some extra work this afternoon so I could try to shake some light-headedness (that is not a word) and I took the new meds. I woke up with the closest feeling I could imagine to what it feels like being drunk. The head still hurt but it felt like it was in someone elses body. That was interesting. It has subsided some this evening but the headache has not. So I guess for now the next step will be with the neurologist.

While this has been a little (I say that loosely) trying, I am holding onto a promise I was given in a blessing I received this week end. I was told I would recover completely. I know that this will happen because I have faith in blessings. For now we are just trying our best to make the most of it.

I have to say I have the best wife in the whole world. She has been so supportive and helpful. I love her so very much. Thank you Tiff.

All the Family

I just wanted to share these pictures of the post-blessing fun. I have some of the cutest family ever. And yes, I said cutest. I know. I'm a guy and should not use the word cute but...can you blame me?

Oscar's Blessing

One of the greatest joys I have yet experienced as a father occured today. Today I had the privelege to be the mouth piece for Oscar's baby blessing. It was made more special in that I was surrounded by so much worthy priesthood. I am grateful Oscar has three worthy grandfathers and that he had four of his uncles there surrounding him (Chris, Rod, Mike, and Ryan). He is blessed to have these great examples.

Once again, today I was reminded that our Heavenly Father has sent us a very special son who will do great things. It is now up to us to help train him right so that he makes those good decisions in his life so the blessings he was promised are realized.

Although most of you who read my blog will also read Tiff's and I am sure she will post this, I want to post my favorite picture of this special day.

A Wonderful Weekend

What an incredible weekend this has been thus far. Besides it being Tiff and my anniversary (I love you, Tiff! See Tiff's blog for my feelings on that.) it has been General Conference weekend. I am grateful that we as members of the church have this opportunity so frequently to be instructed from on high.

One of the best parts of this conference for me was being able to participate in the Solemn Assembly. It was a special experience for me as a priesthood bearer to stand with my quorum and say that we as body of brethren will support the prophet and then again as a family to stand together with the millions all over the world to say that we will support him was inspiring. I know he is called of God to lead us today.

Since I turned twelve, I can always remember attending priesthood session with my Dad and my brothers. A few years ago, my father and I decided that we would continue this tradition. Last night, together we made a trip out to Middleton where my brother lives to enjoy conference with him. How grateful I am that I have these examples in my life of honoring and living the priesthood.

The greatest lesson I could feel out of last nights conference session was that it is time to live what we know. All the speakers seemed to say, "We have talked about it enough, lets get out there and do it". I think this is what President Monson's life has exemplified. How lucky we are to have this example. One thing that is well known about President Monson are his stories. As I thought about the messages, I realized that part of the purpose of this is that it makes clear for us how to apply the teachings. It is a blessing to have such an inspired man to lead us today.

One of the things I have learned recently in reading a book by President Eyring is that we as member of the church, when we listen to someone sent by him to teach, we have the right and privilege to hear his voice. This is one of the blessing of the command "receive the Holy Ghost". If we prepare ourselves and listen with a will set on obeying, his voice will come through the power of the Holy Ghost into our hearts and our minds. It was privilege yesterday to experience this and I am truly grateful.
I felt as I listened to the words spoken, either in their message directly or in just some gentle way, the Spirit spoke to me. A little here and a little there, he spoke to me. How I love my Father in Heaven. Now this has made me truly excited for another day of conference.

A Lesson in Friendship

There have been a few times lately that the need to be a better friend has been jumping up in my face. The lessons have come in different ways: so discrete, so obvious. No matter how they come, the message is clear "You've gotta be a better friend.

So I have a strange fear. It is not disabling but at times it causes problems. Basically, talking on the phone scares me. I always think that the person on the other line is completely annoyed by me or I will be awkward and they will laugh at me. I think I just like face-to-face interaction better because then I can read what the people are thinking. I get the same way with drivethroughs at restaurants. I think I drive Tiff crazy because I would much rather go inside than talk (or rather scream) into that silly box outside.

So ... Why am I making this confession in the midst of a message about the need to be a better friend? Mainly because my lame-o fear leads me to avoid making phone calls at times which leads me to either forget too or blow off calling people back. Yeah, I know. That is completely lame. I would think it was lame if it happened to me. Well, I have had a friend or two call me on it lately. I decided the other day to turn over a new leaf and force myself to be better at this. So far, I am doing better two days and counting (for me, that's an accomplishment).

Also, my new exposure to Facebook has brought from the recesses of my mind a number of memories as I have found old friends and acquaintances. As I think back on some of those times I realize, I was not always the best of friends to those around me. I think and still do think I put too much emphasis on my needs and not those of others. While I hate that I do or have done this, once again I am trying to forgive myself by seeking for a change of heart. Once again, two days and counting, things are looking up. (For any that might read this whom I might have wronged just by my bad behavior, please accept my apology.)

Lastly, on this previous Sunday, our lesson in Priesthood/Relief Society was regarding being a better friend. Our leaders spoke to us about being better friends to those around us, more specifically our neighbors. I am trying to take this into consideration as I go about my life.

Now, I hope this message did not sound like I was being too down on myself. I am only expressing how I have felt. I am grateful that there is always another day, another moment, another second to follow our mistakes so that we have a time to repent and change. As my daughter taught me recently, "we are all just trying to learn".